Right first of all….. this will not be a completely miserable rant or something…. That would’ve been about a few days ago…
At the moment….. All sections of my life seem to be just moving along. Nothing really seems to be happening, there’s no progress. I mean life’s ok (now i’ve calmed meself and sorted out my panic about the notorious January month of doom…), I just feel no matter what I try to put my time and effort into eventually doesn’t really achieve much. Now that’s not a moan or a depressed statement. It’s just I’m hoping to get a jolt to nudge me in some sort of direction…..
It’s not enough for there to be options, if anything there’s too many and I just can’t focus on one for fear of it being the wrong choice. Wish I’d never learned about ‘opportunity costs’ in Economics. It’s the bane of my existence now I’ve learned to apply it to most real life situations and everything has now got to be balanced up with what other option I can pour my efforts into and why….
End result seems to be zippo. Guess I’ll just have to patiently wait for either myself to realise a decision or for a prompt from a direction as a pointer. I seem to be worrying too much about chasing after all sorts of avenue’s in all parts of life recently when I really should reign back a bit and have a proper think about what I really want.
The application development is enjoyable at times but can’t help but feel if I’m to pursue that avenue then it should be a dedicated goal in regards to applying to return to uni as it is most frustrating to repeatedly meet dead ends at the simplest of things due to lack of understanding for the environment of programming. For example, the basic general concepts or ways of approach or similar. I tend to get the feeling of thinking inside a box trying to learn something that would be much easier if I could get a wider view of things.
The Starbucks work….. I love it 99% of the time. It can be bloody knackering and demanding but if anything I mostly appreciate that. The constant action makes it flow much more than anything I’ve had to work at before and kind of reminds me of how things used to be at the other job. No real criticism intended, I just prefer things at a constant quite speedy pace. The learning folder I don’t hugely regard as an ‘option’, it needs to be done and am now pressing on with that, once it’s done I can start balls rolling in regards to money/diff learning.
The musical side of me that used to be so prominent…. It’s kinda half crashed and burned since dropping out of the degree course I wasn’t hugely impressed by. I have the equipment to do all sorts but lack the real drive to do much anymore with it. Perhaps jamming with @dtsn (dan) and others might inspire me again and shall see about it but I’ve lost so much skill, not just in guitar but also vocally. I need to return to the classic vocal exercises again rather than pissing about singing every other song I quite like. It’s killed off the strength my voice once had picking and working on individual songs.
On the subject of vocals….. I still really would like to go into voice acting. It’s a shame I don’t know any animators anymore that might be interested in collaborating as I feel that would probably be the best approach to begin with and I think it would be thoroughly enjoyable. Perhaps voice acting in a musical even! Ah now that would be fun….
And on collaborating (lets try to keep some kind of linking going…)….. People suck. Official. Not all, but enough to get me severely frustrated as to why I try to make efforts with them. Have thought about disconnecting myself from phone/social networking contact for a few days. However, i feel it’s a slightly futile exercise so I think I may just stick to not going to too much effort chasing after ppl. I need to learn to discuss things rather than badger…. It’s not an attractive trait I know.
Speaking of attractive…. Yes, there is a lady of interest around right now. She’s got such a great persevering ‘take no shit’ attitude, it’s definitely inspiring. Top notch company and the cutest ’sleepy look’ I’ve been privileged to encounter 
. Am trying to get a handle on how to go ahead with things, I think 1st and foremost may be to chill the fuck out a bit more…. Pretty much checked off my list from today as it goes hand in hand with me having finally sorted out my messy head (maybe too much now it kinda feels blank). Hmm…yeh well I’m not going forwards expecting things, just go with the flow whether it falls or rises. Think that’s the best attitude to have for no pressure on anyone and just enjoy selves.
Really should get back to reading again. I started Yes Man a few weeks ago but haven’t made huge progress. The little I have read has been majorly enjoyable. Of course already feels much of an improvement from the film I absolutely love anyways.
Countering that, the new routine starting asap (within reason) is to experiment with getting more exercise through various ways. Already started is the drumming, it may just be Rock Band drumming but it’s definitely good exercise the amount I do it. I can feel the toning up already apparent on my upper body in the slightest amount. Next up I’m going to attempt walking to and from work from my flat. It’s always been quite a distance, especially factoring in the hill I live on but if I can do it semi-frequently through the ice and snow due to necessity then I’m sure I can at least attempt a daily effort.
Another idea for more exercise could be to get back to dance classes. Not going to be returning to the salsa ones. I learned enough there to say I can dance salsa pretty well and now feel I’d like a change of style. Perhaps Ballroom or Swing. Both of which tickle me just enough to carry on for at least a few taster sessions to get a feel for them.
I think that’s enough for the blog right now… If I write too much then it may be months again until I update once more 
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. Shall update it more now..
