A Bio of Sorts I Suppose.. [To be completed]

As of late, I have been feeling rather lost in life; I have finally been able to pretty much balance my expenses for the past few months for the first time in years. Don’t get me wrong, this is of course an excellent thing but it has given me more time to think on other matters.

In order to cover my bills (some of which include repaying a loan for a pretty much redundant IT course), I am having to work two jobs for not a huge amount of money. Yes, again I am lucky to have a job let alone two but everything seems like a bit of a struggle for nothing. I wouldn’t mind as much if I could see a light at the end, however I just see the same tedium going on forever.

On more personal values, I appear to be changing my personality somehow. I’m unsure if it’s for better or worse as I both feel more myself in one job as well as trapped a little in the other. I also seem to have become a little more intolerant of people, which for the most part I believe to actually be respect for myself and values growing.

This all comes to the slightly rambling point of this posting: I shall write out a list of those things I have learned, shown interest in and also aspire to in some way. I feel this could be an exercise in identifying my skills as well as targets and inevitable flaws. As I write out this list, I shall make minimal effort to organise it in any over-processed manner as I feel it can be detrimental to the flow.

The List

I have always enjoyed figuring things out (a trait I am proud of sharing with my son). Be it how a maths equation balanced out or the more recent how things fit together in the development of an application idea, I have always loved the feeling of figuring something out. The problem I have with this in my aspirations to become a coder are that so many resources are flawed. This ranges from the software itself to more especially the tutorials made for learners who don’t know anything more than they are shown. It is the single most off-putting thing to come across whilst you’re trying to learn and you have to shoot off elsewhere to figure out how to fix the tutorial. Of course, that has it’s benefits of thinking a lil more but there’s a limit and as a total beginner you really can hit a wall trying to solve these matters.

I have taken on various sports-like activities in the past, possibly why in the past year I’ve been feeling so physically creaky through lack of regular vigorous exercise.
These have included:
Football – Yes, people who know me know I hate football but this was many a year ago
Basketball – For height reasons I think..
Swimming
Learning figure-skating – Briefly
Skateboarding
Running – Mainly running 15min to/from work but still!
Salsa-dancing – Loved it and want to go into other forms of dance

Personal interests have been:

Computers- Ranging from hardware repairs of all sorts (devices not components) to fiddling with various bits of software for many different uses on home computers (mainly A/V related, slight link to my music studies HND). Hence the shock it’s so hard for me to get my career in that area.

Singing – Really out of practice these days, slightly disappointed in myself for it but I do still enjoy it and find it an excellent form of expression as always.

Drumming – Used to own a drum-kit many years ago and loved playing so these days I keep it up best I can with my sticks on a rock band drum-kit. The rhythm’s there so it’s an adequate replacement without all the noise and space needed. Great exercise too!

General Recording/Editing – Something I’m a lil out of practice on these days but very much enjoy when I get the chance. Also one of the things I feel qualified enough in to use my talent of being able to spot when things seem right or wrong in a situation. It applies to many facets of life but this one specifically I found it useful, and one of the reasons I considered becoming a producer for a while. Not something I’m experienced in much these days or really want to do anymore.

Cabling – Various types of audio and video cables. I have tonnes of the stuff. Over the years, I have acquired all sorts of different connectors for a range of uses from watching TV through a PC monitor to connecting my microphones through my synthesizer, midi pad, and recording unit for my macbook. Not to mention all the setups for a multiple PC/Laptop/Amplifier/Consoles combination over the years. Maybe it’s heading back to my young need to figure things out and connect them up to find solutions to all sorts of puzzles.

Sorry it’s getting late, I’ll have to return to this list tomorrow once I’ve rested up.

TBC

Promise is a promise… [part 1]

As I find myself waiting for the bus, I should think this is a good enough time as any to kick off a significant blog post.

Might as well start off with an appropriate grumble about the memory management on my Android phone! It may well be that I’ve taken up too much memory with various background processes but it is rather irritating to be a rather fast thumb typist and have a simple keyboard fail to keep up and sometimes randomly abandon the autocomplete mid-sentence.

On further inspection, it would appear that about 20 background services were running ranging all the way back a week. Poor memory management I’d say!

Anyways, onto other topics… might as well have a mini recap on previous matters.

The job front as ever seems pretty sparse, half given up on it at the moment in favour of other pastimes such as learning more programming knowledge and also generally trying to rest. Over the past week I have found myself rather exhausted due to various factors, including working both jobs as business has picked up recently and on 2 of my days off spending time with my son in London and then family near Birmingham. Part of me wants to use as much of my time as effectively as possible but I must make a conscious effort to have time off otherwise I will end up burning out at this rate.

This is also good reason for me to temporarily sideline the plan of doing work (voluntary or otherwise) on a Sunday. It’s an effective idea still to get some more varied work experience but I can’t do it at the expense of my health!

In regards to my health, I haven’t weighed myself recently but I’m pretty sure I’m getting in slightly better health. Also, I’ve concluded my recent back & foot problems are probably due to my well-intended carrying of my macbook everywhere I go. Again, It’s a matter of not over-doing things! Feeling better already after just 2 days avoiding it..

The Lesser Spotted Blog Post…

I really should be blogging more as I don’t write much generally and I used to really enjoy it. Also finally remembered I have a fantastic WordPress app on my phone so shall be noting things down and later expanding upon them in blog form. I’m not committing myself to a certain quality or content of post, just that I shall elaborate on whatsoever may cross my mind. I am due to return to return to work from my break now but should hopefully be returning with something a lil more substantial later…

Finally chillout time…

Again its been a while but I haven’t given up on the blog…. just been rather busy and knackered and distracted and….. hence the reason I’m now using a WordPress Android app to blog on the go!

Right now is ideal for blogging as I’m sat with latte in hand, perky music and sun shining through the window. Reminds me of when I was chilling in a piazza in Rome with dad a few summers ago cappuccinos, pizza ‘n’ all!

I do rather ache this morning as I have finally attended physiotherapy for my foot…… which I am now told is actually a problem with my back. Didn’t really see that one coming despite knowing I have had back ache which I thought was irrelevant. Something to do with putting extra strain on both of my feet, more so on the right as I favour that side. Makes sense now! The therapist has given me a few slightly painful exercises to get flexibility back into my back and feet so hopefully soon enough I will be back dancing… two of the exercises are actually ones I used to perform when I was learning figure skating almost a decade ago so there is a strange sense of nostalgia about doing them all over again…

On the topic of being active, I have started searching for a third job for Sundays. Various reasons behind it but main one is that I’m up early anyways so why waste the day? Also, I could use some experience in a different line of work to further possibilities of finding a future career sooner and of course variety is the spice of life! I have opened the job search to volunteer work too as I feel I’m more likely to pickup more relevant experience, especially in the niche area of non-retail Sunday work..!

An Actual Real Life Proper Post…

Right first of all….. this will not be a completely miserable rant or something…. That would’ve been about a few days ago…

At the moment….. All sections of my life seem to be just moving along. Nothing really seems to be happening, there’s no progress. I mean life’s ok (now i’ve calmed meself and sorted out my panic about the notorious January month of doom…), I just feel no matter what I try to put my time and effort into eventually doesn’t really achieve much. Now that’s not a moan or a depressed statement. It’s just I’m hoping to get a jolt to nudge me in some sort of direction…..

It’s not enough for there to be options, if anything there’s too many and I just can’t focus on one for fear of it being the wrong choice. Wish I’d never learned about ‘opportunity costs’ in Economics. It’s the bane of my existence now I’ve learned to apply it to most real life situations and everything has now got to be balanced up with what other option I can pour my efforts into and why….

End result seems to be zippo. Guess I’ll just have to patiently wait for either myself to realise a decision or for a prompt from a direction as a pointer. I seem to be worrying too much about chasing after all sorts of avenue’s in all parts of life recently when I really should reign back a bit and have a proper think about what I really want.

The application development is enjoyable at times but can’t help but feel if I’m to pursue that avenue then it should be a dedicated goal in regards to applying to return to uni as it is most frustrating to repeatedly meet dead ends at the simplest of things due to lack of understanding for the environment of programming. For example, the basic general concepts or ways of approach or similar. I tend to get the feeling of thinking inside a box trying to learn something that would be much easier if I could get a wider view of things.

The Starbucks work….. I love it 99% of the time. It can be bloody knackering and demanding but if anything I mostly appreciate that. The constant action makes it flow much more than anything I’ve had to work at before and kind of reminds me of how things used to be at the other job. No real criticism intended, I just prefer things at a constant quite speedy pace. The learning folder I don’t hugely regard as an ‘option’, it needs to be done and am now pressing on with that, once it’s done I can start balls rolling in regards to money/diff learning.

The musical side of me that used to be so prominent…. It’s kinda half crashed and burned since dropping out of the degree course I wasn’t hugely impressed by. I have the equipment to do all sorts but lack the real drive to do much anymore with it. Perhaps jamming with @dtsn (dan) and others might inspire me again and shall see about it but I’ve lost so much skill, not just in guitar but also vocally. I need to return to the classic vocal exercises again rather than pissing about singing every other song I quite like. It’s killed off the strength my voice once had picking and working on individual songs.

On the subject of vocals….. I still really would like to go into voice acting. It’s a shame I don’t know any animators anymore that might be interested in collaborating as I feel that would probably be the best approach to begin with and I think it would be thoroughly enjoyable. Perhaps voice acting in a musical even! Ah now that would be fun….

And on collaborating (lets try to keep some kind of linking going…)….. People suck. Official. Not all, but enough to get me severely frustrated as to why I try to make efforts with them. Have thought about disconnecting myself from phone/social networking contact for a few days. However, i feel it’s a slightly futile exercise so I think I may just stick to not going to too much effort chasing after ppl. I need to learn to discuss things rather than badger…. It’s not an attractive trait I know.

Speaking of attractive…. Yes, there is a lady of interest around right now. She’s got such a great persevering ‘take no shit’ attitude, it’s definitely inspiring. Top notch company and the cutest ‘sleepy look’ I’ve been privileged to encounter . Am trying to get a handle on how to go ahead with things, I think 1st and foremost may be to chill the fuck out a bit more…. Pretty much checked off my list from today as it goes hand in hand with me having finally sorted out my messy head (maybe too much now it kinda feels blank). Hmm…yeh well I’m not going forwards expecting things, just go with the flow whether it falls or rises. Think that’s the best attitude to have for no pressure on anyone and just enjoy selves.

Really should get back to reading again. I started Yes Man a few weeks ago but haven’t made huge progress. The little I have read has been majorly enjoyable. Of course already feels much of an improvement from the film I absolutely love anyways.

Countering that, the new routine starting asap (within reason) is to experiment with getting more exercise through various ways. Already started is the drumming, it may just be Rock Band drumming but it’s definitely good exercise the amount I do it. I can feel the toning up already apparent on my upper body in the slightest amount. Next up I’m going to attempt walking to and from work from my flat. It’s always been quite a distance, especially factoring in the hill I live on but if I can do it semi-frequently through the ice and snow due to necessity then I’m sure I can at least attempt a daily effort.

Another idea for more exercise could be to get back to dance classes. Not going to be returning to the salsa ones. I learned enough there to say I can dance salsa pretty well and now feel I’d like a change of style. Perhaps Ballroom or Swing. Both of which tickle me just enough to carry on for at least a few taster sessions to get a feel for them.

I think that’s enough for the blog right now… If I write too much then it may be months again until I update once more .

Quick Update

Not updated in forever… only a short one to put up new recordings service will be using…. http://soundcloud.com/craigyd . Shall update it more now..

Spotify Playlists!

Right I am finally adding a few of my Spotify Playlists, most of which are collaborative ones . Feel free to add to them!

Songs for me to sing to

Songs to perk yourself up in the morning

Songs to sing in the shower(apparently )

Songs to keep my spirits up whilst filing

Songs to rock out to whilst cleaning (sorta..)

My main collection (bit of a mess..)

Finally Streaming Recordings…

….Right about time, I have my recordings up on a playlist!

My Recordings Playlist

Easy as that!

Mebbe not the flashiest but will do for now .

P.S. Looks like may be going to beginners salsa on thursday as well as usual tuesday just to see how that goes! Anyone in Reading who wants to join hit me up on twitter @craigyd or leave comment here!

Longish Time….

REALLY should be updating this more often but I suppose I don’t feel I’m doing enough on a day to day basis to justify it. It has been pointed out a few things though and I shall continue upon their suggestions thusly….

Right….erm….ah yes obvious one! I now have my wonderful new replacement Macbook. It’s dreeeeamy! I love it as if it were my own. Which is apt. For quite obvious reasons. I love full stops. I’m only saying that because I see full stops though. *ahem* Yes, new macbook! I can finally use it for both Windows 7 and OSX in unison using VMWare. It works so well, with the two interfaces merged it’s almost like some kind of bastardised hybrid of beauty…. Not the kind that you usually find that tends to bare a fugly child for no apparent reason though! Having Windows 7 installed of course means I can do important things like practice my C# and SQL Server Express and sort out my CV properly. All v productive.

Gonna eventually get onto the whole iphone app thing I wanted to do with the SDK for new macs but should really stick with C# and SQL for a while. Must say I’m extremely disappointed my Macbook didnt come with a remote control like my last one did…. sure it’s not essential but it’s a v nice touch and Apple are usually against ‘added extras’ with their main features.

In other news, I am slowly dragging starbucks into the internet realm. By slowly I mean there is one girl so far from there who I’ve convinced to join twitter and am trying to get others too…. Just would be nice because it might create a better vibe between the online customers and the cool peeps working there .

Oh and backtracking a lil…… DPD (sp? lol). Fecking useless and to be fair half split with Powerplay putting slightly diff format address on my macbook package….thing is that somehow the driver figured out the tough bit of the wrong address yet still proceeded to deliver to an address that made no sense whatsoever, put down as refused delivery (and I’m sure this person in other property would have said the proper address as I know them) then went home to the depot. This is after having to wait between 8am and 5pm in my flat for the package. I even phoned ahead a couple of times to check up so it’s not like he was expecting signature to be refused or anything….so ended up wasting a whole bloody day in my flat waiting for the macbook and then eventually having to travel across town in rush hour to pick up from depot….. NOT impressed with people being fucktards!

But now onto much lighter new… I went to my first salsa class last night with a few tweeples. I was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, I felt so alive and happy! Definitely going to be continuing, if anyone’s interested in joining it’s Tuesday nights at 7:30 in Global Cafe (upstairs) Reading. Have missed forms of dancing since leaving learning figure skating a few years back so glad to be getting in again!

Now, lastly I am going over to Camden market this Sunday for some boutique clothes shopping! Hoping to get another sweet and slightly more unique Salsa outfit. Sure the Primark/Debenhams mashup looked pretty hot but i’d rather find my own unique style .

Anyways…. Early start tomorrow and Friday they’re sending me to Frimley branch! that’s almost 1 1/2 hrs train each way! Ah I do enjoy travelling….

Living starts NOW

Right that’s it. I think one of the last few fuses have blown and I’m having enough of how things are for me right now. Tomorrow I WILL contact job agencies in my lunch hour and look for jobs and attack them rather than apply for them.

I have learned the two people who checked if i’m eligible for housing benefit both didn’t check properly despite my repeated requests for thorough step by step checks on the eligibility forms. Now that has put me back in a very bad position of I NEED 300 pounds a month more than what I have now just to live. I have contracts I cannot leave, left from when I wasn’t single a while ago. Half of that 300 pounds is tied up in paying for my course which has half become redundant now. But I’m not gonna get all moany and shitty about it because how does that help?

I will even consider the shitty jobs like telemarketing and whatever, if it gets me where I want to be going with my money and home life I am going to do it. It’s not a lack of self respect, I’m not doing something below me, I am TAKING ADVANTAGE OF the opportunities I can find. Why hang about now dragging my feet finding the right job to comfortably hop into when I can grab what I can and plow on with what I want to do NOW.

Any assistance in this will be received with the greatest of gratitude. This is the time when all efforts surrounding my life, whether it is myself alone or with the help of those around me, need to focus and take control of where I am heading.

The time for action is NOW! (Disclaimer: actually the time for action is once i’ve had a nights sleep and opening hours have commenced for those nice people offering jobs etc… )

P.S. If anybody is interested in sharing a flat with me in the Reading area, I may be very interested in the prospect right now…..